Anthony Guerra, Editor-in-Chief, hsCIO.com
“Ok, so we’re all set,” I said. “I’m really excited you’re coming out.”
“Me too,” said Nancy, our director of sales and marketing. “I think it’s going to be great for a lot of reasons.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Well, it will be great to see you and Kate, of course, and to sit down face-to-face for our 2014 planning, but it will also be good for my family to get a break from me,” she said.
“Yeah, right,” I said, laughing.
“No really,” Nancy insisted. “I know I’m more good than bad, but I do add a layer of tension around here. I’m always running around after everyone yelling at them to pick up this or that or to put something away. I’m the first to admit I’m a nag machine. It will be good for everyone.”
Later that day, I found myself reflecting on our conversation, and being impressed by the self-awareness Nancy had displayed. Now, I’m sure she’s exaggerating her nagginess, but appreciating one’s more unfortunate tendencies is as important to success as knowing one’s strengths.
This brought me, of course, to myself, and it didn’t take long to identify the guilty characteristic. Unfortunately, I have a tendency to be a bit of a dictatorial steamroller. In most cases, I know what I want (or think I do) and know how I want things done (or think I do). At home, my poor wife bears the brunt of this and, at work (though intentionally kept in check), Nancy and Kate do.
At work, this manifests itself in the form of me talking over people in meetings, interrupting and generally saying what I think about a subject before I give anyone else the chance to weigh in. I know this is bad practice, and I am pretty sure I have, on occasion, been able to sense their frustration either in a tone of voice or through body language. Undoubtedly, this is something I have to work on if I’m to get full engagement from our team, and I am committed to improving.
The key question for you is: what is your weakness? Which of your behaviors inhibits your team from being the best they can be? If it has immediately come to your mind, you’ve got a good chance of improving; but if you’re scratching your head, there’s trouble on the horizon.
Why? Because, of course, if you can’t admit there’s a problem, you can’t hope to fix it. Have you ever observed someone who completely lacked the ability to notice how their behavior was being received, even though it was obvious that others in the room were frustrated? This dynamic can be so stark as to border on comical.
As a leader, you cannot afford to be one of these clueless folks. As a leader, you must have the politician’s gift for perceiving how you (or your message) is being received, and adjust accordingly — perhaps saying more in one case, perhaps hanging back and listening more in another. Of course, as with everything, there is a point where at which adjusting your communication style for the specific listener morphs into phoniness.
But between these extremes of cluelessness and shapelessness there is the potent area where self-awareness and perceptiveness combine, a golden zone where the leader can make his home, and be most effective. I’m working to get there, to keep my mouth closed where I’ve been yapping too much. I’m sure Nancy is working to get there too — to occasionally hold her tongue when someone forgets to clean their dish or pick up their clothes.
In short, it’s about self-improvement, a journey we should all be on all the time. Unlike Nancy’s upcoming journey from Colorado to New Jersey, it’s one without a destination, one where the only measure of success is slow and steady progress.
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