“I’m not going!” I yelled up the stairs.
“Oh yes you are!” my wife shot back.
“No I’m not,” I repeated. “Not if you’re going to have us all crazy and stressed out about making your class.”
“You already made me miss my class,” she said. “So now you’re going!”
“So you’re not going to let me not go?!” I asked in a mix of amazement and frustration. “Just go to the gym by yourself and I’ll stay home with the kids.”
“Nope,” she insisted. “Get their shoes on!”
It was one of those blissful moments of marriage — the ones that never seem to make it to the nauseatingly idyllic family-portrait holiday cards. (Yes, we send them too.)
So, seeing that things were only going to get worse if I continued protesting, I helped get the kids ready and headed over to the gym. During the short ride, I got pulled over for speeding.
“Do you realize you were going 50 in a 35?”
Yes. Yes I do.
After putting the little ones into the day care section of the gym, we both went to exercise. I assiduously worked to avoid contact with the enemy which, in my current state, would not have resulted in a positive engagement. After a while, she came over to me.
“Hi. It’s your wife,” she said in an attempt at levity, to which I may have growled.
The rest of the day didn’t get much better. It was snowing all day in northern New Jersey and we were on top of each other in the house. The kids were out of control, my wife was irritated, and I was out of sorts. It was the kind of day that, after seven years of marriage, I’ve learned to simply take a mental eraser to and pretend never happened.
The next day, Sunday, I was going to the Giants game with some friends. Because they are insane about tailgating, I had to leave my house at about 8 AM so we could BBQ and booze for at least three hours before the game. I knew I’d probably get home around 5:30. Based on how bad things had gone in the house on Saturday, I was worried my wife would have a tough day with the little ones, managing them all day by herself. With you’re dealing with a 2 and 4 year old, breaks are a must, and after a long stretch, you’re often dying for a handoff.
But right from the start I noticed things were going very well. My wife was pleasant in the morning, asking me if I’d be warm enough in the freezing temps. Throughout the day, we exchanged nice texts with smiley faces and pics of the kids. I was having a nice time, she was having a nice time, everyone was having a nice time. When I got home, instead of the cold handoff and disappearance, I received a delicious home-cooked meal. Then she sat on the couch with me and the kids. And, are you sitting down? She HELD MY HAND. The day before, remember, she would have smashed it with a mallet, given the opportunity.
As I thought about this astonishing transformation, I could almost hear Peter Cetera in the background:
“Everybody needs a little time away… from each other.”
I guess we did need a little time away. With the year ending and the holiday season upon us, you may be faced with a perfect set of circumstances to take some time off — to take a holiday from your staff and give them a holiday from you. You likely have PTO left which will not roll over to next year, and perhaps the days between Christmas and New Year will be quieter than most, a perfect time to absent yourself.
True leadership means not only understand that you need time off to recharge, but that, in a way, you are a cloud hovering over those you lead, blocking the sunshine they need to grow. Once in a while, get out of the way, and let them feel the light. Let them handle things. Let them be the final arbiter.
My takeaway from all this? Get season tickets.
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