I still remember the first time I watched the Mary Tyler Moore Show. I had just discovered Nick at Nite, a network that unearthed long-cancelled shows, exposing younger generations to treasures we may not have ever discovered, like Hogan’s Heroes and I Love Lucy. I loved watching the ‘old’ shows, which to me were far more interesting than the more current offerings like Full House and Growing Pains.
And no character was quite as compelling to me as feisty, independent Mary Richards, particularly since I had already decided that I was going to be a reporter, and loved the idea of living on my own in a big city (as do many preteens who aren’t burdened by things like mortgages).
Because I enjoyed the Mary Tyler Moore Show so much, I was always on the lookout for more shows featuring strong female characters — particularly those who are also reporters. What I found was a mixed bag. For every no-nonsense journalist like Murphy Brown, there was a character like the one played by Michelle Pfeiffer in Up Close and Personal (a movie that was less about an ambitious news anchor and more about her romance with a coworker). But although the aforementioned film was extremely cheesy, there was one scene that stuck with me. Sally (Pfeiffer’s character) was trying to get a quote from a disgraced politician, but found herself on the outside of a throng of reporters, until her mentor/love interest literally pushed her into the crowd, saying, “Get in there. Jab the damn mic in his face.”
It was precisely the push she needed.
And as much as I hesitate to compare myself to Pfeiffer (especially in a movie as riddled with clichés as this one), I can relate. Throughout my career — and my life, really — there have been times when I’ve desperately needed a boost of confidence, and I’ve been lucky enough to get it, in three different forms.
- Tough love – As a junior in high school, I wasn’t getting as much playing time in field hockey as I thought I deserved. So, like any 16-year-old, I complained and sulked, until my Dad sat me down and asked a simple question: ‘Do you want to do this or not? Because if you do, you better give it everything you’ve got.’ I tried to plead my case, but I knew he was right. I knew I could do better, and I did.
- The Robert Redford push – While working as a medical writer, I remember my editor approaching me one day after a meeting. ‘I want to hear you more,’ she said. ‘Speak up.’ I was confused — I thought things had been going just fine. Turns out they were; that was the problem. I needed to get out of cruise control and step on the gas.
- The gentle encouragement – This one came from my mom. When my kids were infants, she logged some serious mileage with her frequent visits to come help. But as much as I appreciated the meals she brought, the night shifts she took and the laundry she folded, what meant most was when she offered encouragement. When I’d say things like, ‘I don’t know how I’m going to take care of them,’ she’d say, ‘you’re already doing it.’
Each of these experiences — along with so many others I’ve had — have helped shape the person I’ve become, and the person I strive to be. They’ve also shown me the power of confidence. I know firsthand that having someone take the time to single you out and challenge you can make all the difference in the world.
As leaders, you need to remember that confidence isn’t a one-shot deal. We all need to keep getting — and dishing out — encouragement along the way, in order to become the best version of ourselves.
If we can do that, I believe we’re going to make it, after all.
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