“Hey Kate, I know you have your hands full (ha ha), but I have two new twin moms coming to the group, and I’d love it if you could be there.”
The message was from Lisa, a fellow mom of multiples (her triplets are now 17) who runs a support program for new parents who are struggling with the monstrous task of caring for two, or even three, newborns. Because I know exactly what it’s like being lost in a sea of insomnia and laundry, and because Lisa is one of the kindest people I know, there was no way I was going to turn her down.
“Sure, I’ll be there. But I don’t know how helpful I’ll be — I don’t remember a thing from the summer of 2012,” I joked.
“Trust me, it’ll help having you there,” she wrote, adding that she had invited one more “veteran” twin mom to the meeting.
I marked the date on my calendar, and racked my brain for any advice I could offer. When the group meeting rolled around, I showed up with coffee and a few tidbits I had stored in my head, and that’s when I met Gina, the other “vet.” Gina arrived — early — with homemade snacks and a folder filled with lists and spreadsheets. As it turned out, her tidbits were typed into organized lists, with copies made for each new mom. I’m surprised they weren’t laminated.
Some of the categories were as follows:
- How to document feeding schedules (this is essential for twin parents, as it’s very easy to forget in our sleepless haze who ate last, how much, and when)
- What to keep in a diaper bag
- Activities for infants at ages 4-6 months, 6-8 months, and 8-12 months
As you can probably imagine, my first impression of Gina wasn’t great. I had to work quite hard to avoid rolling my eyes as she talked about her strategy for pureeing, freezing, and storing organic pureed vegetables (while I moved my hand to cover the Goldfish packages spilling out of my purse). On the other hand, she probably became increasingly annoyed every time I shrugged and said, “Do what works for you,” or talked about taking my kids to indoor play areas at the mall, germs be damned. I thought she was going to fall off of her chair when I proudly announced that the lullabies in my house were live Grateful Dead albums (and not Baby Einstein).
I wondered why Lisa would ask two moms with such differing philosophies to speak to these poor, confused rookies. But as the meeting went on, I realized she knew exactly what she was doing. These moms need both perspectives. They need Gina to give them the guidelines and lists, and they need me to remind them that sometimes it’s okay to throw those guidelines out the window.
It didn’t matter that Gina and I are like Felix and Oscar — what matters is that we’re both there to listen and offer support. And in today’s world, where there are several different platforms for parents to criticize and judge each other, it’s become critical for us to act as partners, and not competitors.
It’s strikingly similar to what Tim Zoph said in a recent interview. While reflecting on some of the most important lessons he’s learned in his 30-year health IT career, he talked about the concept of being a partner in the industry. Leaders, he noted, have an obligation to “share what we know, to talk about it, to teach it, and be a good partner to our vendors as well.” Rather than point fingers and search for a competitive edge, “we really need to support one another and be respectful of another. The work is too hard not to share that we’ve learned.”
Inspiring words, and ones that don’t just apply to health IT leaders, but rather to anyone who has wisdom to share — or room to grow. And in that spirit, I’m happy to say that I’ve come to appreciate Gina, and have even learned a few things from her.
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