The Toughest – And Best – Medicine

It is one of the hardest traits for aspiring leaders to develop, yet its attainment is essential to leadership success.

And it’s not determination, or a refusal to accept anything but the best (although those are both critical). It is the ability to hear opinions, suggestions and other comments contrary to one’s own way of thinking, or critical of one’s decisions or results, and to give them a fair hearing in the mind.

Why is it so critical? Because getting feedback is one of the main ways in which we grow and improve. But why is it so hard? Because in order to get anywhere you must have an opinion, and you would not be worth much if you gave it up at the first sign of combat. But it is in accepting this combat and appreciating the value it brings to your decisions that leaders show their best qualities.

For example, we had always been doing our Webinars one very specific way, with one very specific format. I felt we had found the perfect mousetrap and so said to the world it was, “my way or the highway!” One prospective customer had the temerity (in my opinion) to suggest a contrary approach. I was indignant at the suggestion — one Nancy found to be very interesting and possibly fruitful. I then became indignant with her (I kept this to myself, of course) and silently raged at both of them for questioning what I’d made sacrosanct.

But if I can make any positive comment about myself, it is that my stubbornness usually, eventually, gives way to good sense. Today our Webinar programs embrace the aforementioned suggestion and are so much the better for it.

I was tested again recently when I received an email from a sponsor offering their “feedback” (how dare they!) on an event. As I read it, I started to get defensive: “Oh, and they think this could have been done a little better! Oh, and they have a suggestion for that!” Well, after momentary acting like a child who wishes not to take his medicine, I realized that the suggestions had much merit and would further improve our program. Rather than being an inconvenience, the feedback was invaluable. It has just taken me a few decades to appreciate this.

It seems to be human nature that as we listen to criticism, we immediately formulate our rebuttals, plan our counter-attacks. For those in positions of power, we are going to win those battles, but those victories will often be Pyrrhic. For in quashing the rebellion, we never hear the rebels’ demands — some of which might be quite sensible. As much as possible, as often as possible, we must take advantage of the confidence we have in our positions, the security we feel in our stations, to really listen to contrary viewpoints.

As mentioned above, when I think back to the cause of significant changes in our offerings which lead to substantive improvements, they often came in the form of comments and opinions I did not want to hear, that I quickly dismissed or shot down. So let this be a lesson to us all — the medicine of those contrary opinions, though unpalatable, is essential to our good health.