No One Wants A Surprise Party

“What happened?” my friend Emily asked as I emerged from my boss’ office, looking utterly defeated. I had just endured my annual review, and it hadn’t gone well.

When I didn’t answer right away, Emily suggested we go for a walk and get some coffee (although wine would’ve been more appropriate).

“You know that Revolutionary War battle the day after Christmas, when Washington and his troops caught the Hessians completely off guard? I’m a Hessian. I’m a hung-over Hessian who didn’t see an attack coming a mile away.”

She laughed, noting that my family’s obsession with military history had crept in, even during a tough moment. Then quipped, “Trust me, he’s no George Washington,” of our boss, whose leadership skills often left something to be desired.

But he was the boss, and my review my brutal. It was a surprise attack.

Over the course of an hour, my boss (who we’ll call Joe) read off a laundry list of complaints about my performance, some of which were justified, and some I disagreed with — but what really bothered me was that this was the first I was hearing about any of it. And so while I tried to defend the job I was doing, it was like fighting an uphill battle. He was fully prepared, and I had no idea what was coming.

After that meeting, it became pretty clear that he and I weren’t on the same page. Heck, we weren’t on the same book. And that tells me that neither of us was truly invested in the relationship. If I had been more invested, I would’ve taken more initiative and made sure I was meeting his expectations. If he had been more invested, he would’ve sat me down much earlier and voiced his concerns. Instead, we existed in silos, never paying attention to what was happening outside of our own minds.

It was a bad marriage, and one that needed to end. I realized I wasn’t being challenged and was no longer engaged in my job, and started to look for other opportunities. It was one of the best decisions I ever made. And as much as I wanted to forget the whole ordeal, it ended up teaching me a valuable lesson: it’s never okay to just assume you’re doing a good job.

There’s a lesson in there for Joe too. As consultant Brandon Smith wrote in a recent blog, “Performance reviews should be more like going to the dentist for a checkup than walking into a surprise party.” And just like that checkup, “Both parties should have a pretty clear idea of how it’s going to go.”

The way to avoid a surprise — particularly one that makes an employee feel like she’s being attacked — is through feedback, according to banking executive Ashley Wright. “Regular, targeted and timely feedback goes a long way to aligning employee self-assessment with their manager’s assessment, and lays the foundation for a productive and harmonious annual review,” he wrote. The key here is to provide feedback that “clearly tells someone how they are tracking to a previously stated goal or performance measure, and providing the guidance they require to keep making progress.”

It’s certainly not the easiest route to take, especially in an industry like health IT where leaders already have so much on their plates. But by checking in regularly, you’re acknowledging the hard work your staff puts in, you’re also showing that you care enough to provide guidance.

And if you’re that invested in the relationship, chances are your staff will be as well, and no one will end up feeling like a Hessian.