“I’m going to do some stuff outside,” I said to my wife after we put the kids down for naps on Sunday afternoon.
To be sure, I was dog tired, having gotten up early at the behest of our oldest son who, unfortunately, wakes with the sun. After giving Tyler (age 4) and Parker (age 2) breakfast, my wife and I took them to a street fair and then to a park where we proceeded to chase the little maniacs around for a few hours. By 1:30, I was shot, but as anyone with little ones knows, there is an internal struggle that takes hold of a parent when any free time arises: To rest or to accomplish?
The power washer, you see, was calling me, and who I am to resist its siren song? Ahh, the deep peace and satisfaction one gets from watching that laser-like stream of water blast the grime from paving stones and the moss from between them. You can keep your yoga mats — for me, the power washer and lawn mower are paths to tranquility.
But tranquility, unfortunately, is not the same thing as sleep. So by the time I’d made the patio shine, I was shot. And a shot parent is a poor match for newly energized children, fresh off their mid-day pit stop. That’s because a worn out parent is an impatient parent, a snippy parent, and a grumpy parent, not to mention being a fairly unpleasant spouse.
Thus, Sunday afternoon and evening were far less enjoyable to those around me because I was in a far less composed state of mind, and I was in such a state because I’d not taken care of myself. Sure, I’d enjoyed the power washing, but I needed real rest. I needed it to be a good person in the afternoon, and I’d short-changed my family by not getting what I needed.
This week, Bill Reiger, CIO at Flagler Hospital, wrote about the similarities between leading a child through changes such as adolescence and leading a healthcare system through major transformation. Well, my Sunday mistake makes clear there are also parallels between taking care of yourself to ensure you are a good parent as well as a good manager.
For now, let’s leave the basics like getting enough sleep and sustenance off the table, and focus on the subtler parts of self-management. Specifically, I want to talk about managing your workload and stress in a way that prevents you becoming a suboptimal manager. Because, to be sure, if you “leave it all on the field” and leave nothing for your staff — no patience, no energy, no pleasantness — you will never be at your best, because you will not be in a position to help them be at their best.
Practically speaking, this means scheduling the proper breaks into your day, a reasonable beginning and end to it, and appropriate time off. Just as engines can only run at top speed for so long, so you can only function at top stress for so long, after which the machine begins to break down.
Interestingly, it’s critical to appreciate that simply not working is no assurance of stress relief, for if our minds and bodies are not truly engaged in other activities, all that will occur away from work is worry about it. Finding these transportive pursuits, however, is not as easy as appears on first blush, for often one feels anxieties even when doing that which most classify as “relaxing.” Perhaps this is because, for those who are wired to achieve, time spent languishing is more painful than anything else.
Seneca writes: “Just as an engraver rests his eyes when they have long been under a strain and are weary and calls them from their work and ‘feasts’ them, as the saying is; so we at times should slacken our minds and refresh them with some sort of entertainment. But let even your entertainment be work; and even from these various forms of entertainment you will select, if you have been watchful, something that may prove wholesome. That is my habit, Lucilius: I try to extract and render useful some element from every field of thought, no matter how far removed it may be from philosophy.” — Letters from a Stoic
So — whether it be reading, climbing a mountain or simply taking a nap — seek your own formula for relaxation, and set aside time for its pursuit. Those who rely upon your strength will be happy you did.
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