“How are the twins?”
It’s a question I’m often greeted with at industry events, and it immediately makes me smile, because I know that for at least a few minutes, I can take a break from the buzzword of the day and talk about my kids.
But it wasn’t always this way. And for me, it’s taken a lot of getting used to; this idea that people I know on a professional level know so much about my personal life. And I’m starting to encounter more cases where people I’ve never even met know at least a little about the real me. I mean, all you have to do is go to my Twitter page to see that I’m a mom of twins and a Red Sox fan. If you read my blog, you get a true window into who I am and what makes me tick. You know that I went through a difficult time last year when I lost my brother. You know that motherhood hasn’t always been an easy road for me — from the challenges I faced with having two preemies, to the constant battle I fight (along with so many other parents) to achieve some sort of balance in life.
It’s amazing. Years ago, I never would have been willing to put all of this out there for everyone to see. But that willingness to be vulnerable has helped break down the walls between me and the readers, and has helped build trust. It has truly made a difference in the way I relate with people.
Sure enough, one of the key themes at Sunday’s CHIME/HIMSS CIO Forum was creating and maintaining relationships. Ed Marx, who recently announced his resignation as CIO at Texas Health Resources, spoke about the importance of truly engaging with staff, urging his colleagues to “walk through the cloud slowly” and “let your people touch you.” Not an easy thing for a busy leader to do. In fact, sometimes it means resisting the urge to rush to the next meeting and instead take the time to stop and speak with your staff — even if it means a bathroom break takes 20 minutes, he joked.
Another keynote speaker, author and consultant Tommy Spaulding, talked about the different levels of professional and personal relationships, pointing out that many people are hesitant to get past surface-level conversations revolving around news, sports, and weather. Ideally, these topics should serve as ice breakers that can pave the way to deeper conversations. But unfortunately, “some people never leave the second floor,” he said. Spaulding challenged CIOs and other leaders to venture out of the comfort zone and “open your heart” to authentic, genuine connections. Instead of focusing so much on ROI, he encouraged people to think about return on relationships (ROR).
At first I wasn’t sure I bought into the concept — I mean, it sounds a little hokey. But then I thought about some of the conversations I’ve had during the last few days, and realized that I’ve been able to achieve some significant ROR, both with the people I’ve known for years, and with those I’m just getting to know.
And it’s all been possible because we’ve been willing to open up to each other; to evolve past superficial conversations and talk about things that really matter. I’m happy to say, I saw this again and again at HIMSS. I saw it in the CIOs who introduced me to their spouses, showed me photos of their grandchildren, and especially in one fellow mom who said she shares the same concerns I have about spending enough time with my husband and children.
I see it throughout the year in CIOs who open up to me in interviews — not just about the good stuff like achieving Stage 7, but about the tough topics, like how scared they are about retaining their top people, and the rough patches in their career path that have ended up becoming defining moments.
These are true relationships that I’ll keep investing in, even if it means being more transparent with my own blog than I ever thought I could be. I’ll keep doing it, because it’s worth the return.
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