Have you ever been so annoyed with the way things are going and felt like you had little control over them? I was talking to a friend of mine whose wife had been working at a dentist practice for 17 years. In the last few months, the dentist had brought on a new partner who was younger. The intent was to pass on the practice to him in a few years. The new partner had a very different view on the company culture and direction for the practice, and was perceived as being very arrogant.
My friend’s wife was miserable. She had spent 17 years building a culture and creating and controlling the variables of her environment. She simply did not mesh with the new world order and it seemed that the older dentist was willing to ignore the erosion of staff morale and just let the new partner take charge. My friend and his wife began to devise a plan that would allow her to retire two years earlier than anticipated; she simply did not see how she could endure this new leadership.
I listened intently as my friend described the situation. He talked about how they would sell their home to downsize, tighten up their budget and basically do whatever it took so she could retire early. I just listened; sometimes — in fact, most of the time — that is what a friend does best, right. He did not need my opinion; he only needed an ear.
That conversation took place about 6 months ago. Just this morning my friend and I connected again. I asked him how his wife’s work situation was going and how the plans were coming along for an early retirement. What he said was so insightful, yet not at all original. He said, “We have decided to complain less and pray more.”
The situation hadn’t changed; his wife had changed. She decided that she needed to find a new way to look at the problem. She had perceived the problem to be the new dentist partner; however, the problem was really her reaction to the new partner. As she stopped complaining and venting with coworkers, the atmosphere actually improved. That improvement was seen in the form of her feeling less stressed and not taking things personally; she had begun to separate her identity from her work. It was the false sense of control and ownership over the company culture that was really bothering her.
Now this is not to say that the new dentist did not have some accountability for the staff moral going downhill, but my friend’s wife was actually contributing to that with her unhappiness. In short, the early retirement plan is on hold and the focus is on how she can work with new leadership instead of separating herself from it — or worse yet, complaining to staff about it.
We all go through these experiences. As I discussed in a previous post, at times leadership looks like it has no clue about what is going on. No matter what our title in an organization, we all have a boss. Either around coffee, beers or the proverbial water cooler, we have all been engaged, led, or silently observed others complaining about how a leader is doing something stupid. Stupid is a harsh word, but if you reflect on those conversations, they are not about offering support, but rather tearing down leaders’ credibility.
I am always amazed when I stop for a second and reflect on my motivation behind comments that are not supportive of others. Not pointing a finger at anyone in this post, rather at myself, I have to admit that most of the time I am doing it out of frustration. I have stopped trying to bring the solution and have joined the problem. As a leader I am undermining the respect others have for me and making the problem grow.
I have to admit that I struggle here. I struggle with being responsible for making sure that what the organization has entrusted me with is successful, holding others accountable and at the same time speaking life into others. In the case of my friends’ wife, she felt she had an obligation to speak against the changes impacting the staff, to defend the culture she had worked so hard to build but in the end she found herself simply “complaining.” I think I will take her advice and pray more and complain less and continue to seek out others who I see model the type of successful leadership that creates better people through accountable leadership and positive problem solving.
Some of the posts we write on Culture Infusion can be very humbling. When Bill Rieger and I started this blog, our goal was to be honest and upfront in our journey as leaders. Infusing character into business culture means being vulnerable. We do not have it all figured out and this is one of those areas where I feel the effort is worth the reward. In the words of the great basketball coach Pat Riley:
“If you have a positive attitude and constantly strive to give your best effort, eventually you will overcome your immediate problems and find you are ready for greater challenges.”
[This piece was originally published on Culture Infusion, a blog created by Chris Walden and Bill Rieger. Follow their blog on Twitter at @C_infusion.]
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