“If I was still at one of my old jobs this would be followed up by at least two more bars, and then a nightcap at the hotel bar,” Nancy said during our team dinner at HIMSS. “We’d probably go until 1 in the morning.”
“Really?” I said, “I’m shot. I can’t wait to get back to the hotel.”
“And remember guys,” Kate said, “When I thought this dinner started at 8 PM instead of 6, I declined the invitation.”
“I am so glad we are all lame,” Nancy laughed. “I used to wish I could call it a night, but there was a sense that you had to be part of the party; that if you did go back to the hotel, you weren’t part of the team.”
“That boggles my mind,” I said. “Why would a manager ever want, or even demand, that everyone stay out all night and drink? I mean, who thinks that’s going to make people more productive the next day?”
By the time I got settled in my room after dinner, I saw some emails coming from Kate, replying to stuff I’d sent her earlier in the day — she was working. Now, if you were ever lucky enough to have someone like that working for you, why would you go out of your way to keep her bar hopping when she’d rather go back and bang out some copy?
Then the answer dawned on me. I’ve talked to folks before who disdainfully referred to their shops as cults of personality, where the boss was the all-knowing, all-commanding leader, with his minions in tow and cronies abounding. Usually, these leaders have absolute power, with HR a rubber stamp on any decision emanating from their capricious mouths. And often that capriciousness depends on whether or not you, figuratively, kiss the ring. In the above scenario, which I am sure is not uncommon, kissing the ring entails being part of the party entourage, whether at trade show or the office.
You party and you’re in, you want to go home and see your kids before they go to bed, you’re out.
Of course, this is extremely misguided, where all the wrong motivations bring about all the wrong behaviors. And motivations — why you became a leader in the first place — are important. Your motivation to become a leader will dictate what type of leader you are.
In, “The Trident: The Forging and Reforging of a Navy SEAL Leader,” Jason Redman writes of an incident that almost got him thrown out of the SEAL teams. On a mission in Afghanistan, Redman ignored orders to stay put and headed toward a firefight. He said he did so in order to help his teammates, but by doing so he made it impossible to bring in air support — the pilots could not bomb the enemy position if the exact whereabouts of an American in the area were unknown.
Though severely scolded, Redman could not accept the fact that he had done wrong. But soon, it became clear that because of such incidents his teammates did not trust his judgment — probably the worst thing that can happen to any special forces’ soldier. In a soul searching effort, he turned to the platoon’s leading petty officer, Charlie Wingate — “a straight shooter.”
“Red, I have to tell you, I’ve always kind of wondered about you,” Charlie said. “I guess the biggest question I’ve had about you is why you joined the teams.”
Charlie continued. “There are two types of people who join. There are those who want to be the best and be part of something larger than themselves. Then there are those who join for the ‘cool guy’ factor. I gotta tell ya, Red, The more I’ve be around you, the more I think you’re one of the latter.”
It turned out Redman had gone toward the firefight not to help his brethren but to showcase himself — a harsh truth that required his “reforging.”
I have written it before and I will write it again — your job, as a leader, is to get the absolute best out of every person in your organization. The “best” being defined as eliciting their best talents to the greatest extent for the benefit of the company, and you can only bring this about if they are truly happy. Further, only those who are able to be themselves, to act in a way true to their nature, can reach that state of un-improvable comfort. If you are, through whatever means of social pressure, letting it be known that you expect certain behaviors regardless of their preferences, you are leaving talent and efficiency on the table.
While one can easily think of a scenario in which excessive partying had to be curbed, demanding more after-hours companionship is out of bounds. I mean, have you become a leader to command company or to inspire? Is having folks under your direction about getting your socializing needs met or creating an environment where everyone is comfortable enough to thrive?
With leadership comes power, and with power comes responsibility. Make your shop a cult of personality and you’ll have abdicated that responsibility. Make it a place where loyalty is required not to your partying ways and other proclivities, but to the job and the quality of the work, and you’ll really have something to celebrate.
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