When a book is still the focus of conversation nearly 30 years after being published, it’s notable. When a book has been printed more than 14 million times, published in several editions, and been made into a movie, it becomes iconic.
Referred to by some as “the bible of American pregnancy,” What To Expect When You’re Expecting has been named one of USA Today’s most influential books of the past 25 years, and for good reason. For pregnant women, it’s as essential as those jeans with the stretchy material. It’s spawned a website and a smartphone app, and can be found in thousands of OB GYN offices.
But if you ask me, it’s based on a seriously flawed premise. Every woman is different. Every pregnancy is different. There are a million different scenarios, and therefore, it’s foolish to think anyone can know what to expect — both when you’re expecting, and afterwards.
To me, the book should include just one sentence: take your expectations and throw them out the window.
Don’t get me wrong — I believe it’s important that pregnant women learn how to care for themselves during this critical time, and read about the developmental changes the fetus is undergoing. The book does certainly include helpful information. But it also focuses a great deal on what can go wrong, prompting some care providers to steer clear of the book — and encourage their patients to do the same.
In fact, a 2005 New York Times article reported that when newly pregnant women visit a practice affiliated with Brigham and Women’s Hospital, in addition to the usual information on things like prenatal tests and morning sickness, they are given a list of suggested reading materials. Not only was “What to Expect” missing from the list, but it is specifically cited as a book that is not recommended.
Granted, this may no longer be the case, as the piece was written eight years ago. Still, it’s pretty telling that a physician’s office tied to such a prestigious hospital would make it a point to direct patients away from a book. Perhaps those physicians feel there’s more harm than good in informing women who are already in a vulnerable state about every little thing that can go wrong — no matter how remote the possibility.
It’s one thing to prepare yourself when embarking on new territory; it’s another to brace yourself.
Think about it this way. If, before boarding a plane, passengers were told — in excruciating detail — about every possible scenario that might occur, from getting food poisoning to the plane having to make an emergency landing for fuel (both of which have happened to me), no one would fly. And I’d buy stock in rental car companies.
There is such a thing as too much education and too much preparation, because what happens is we expect the worst. Instead of walking into situations with an open mind, we mentally craft a strategy for how we’re going to handle anything thrown our way. And while some might argue that’s a good thing, I believe it can detrimental.
Think about it — how many times have you walked into a situation anticipating some type of conflict? How many times have you proposed an idea, already convinced it was going to get shut down? To me, that’s not the right approach, because it colors our thinking and puts us on the defensive from the get-go.
In an interview published earlier this week, Shafiq Rab, MD, CIO at Hackensack University Medical Center, talked about how when he was introduced to the staff over a year ago, he wasn’t at all what they expected. They didn’t envision that someone so intelligent and well-known throughout the industry would also be so approachable, affable, and focused on helping to meet their needs.
“It threw people off their game,” he said.
His staff would’ve been better off throwing their expectations out the window and entering the situation without any preconceived notions. And we would all be better off doing that as often as possible, because you can never truly know what to expect.
Share Your Thoughts
You must be logged in to post a comment.